When that dream- Soul partner takes forever!

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Seriously thinking!
Seriously thinking!

Every woman and every man on earth desires to have a family some day. To love and to be loved back. To have a soul mate is everyone’s dream. But then, what do you do when that special person takes forever to come? Many people end up frustrated and lose hope.

“I have given up on getting a life time partner and even on marriage. All the men I meet are clearly not the type of men I would love to settle down with,” said one of my girlfriends, during her celebration to make her thirty years on this earth.

They say at some point a woman’s biological clock starts to tick and if someone is not forthcoming, ladies get worried and frustrated and of course there is also a lot of pressure from the larger family who want to see you settle down and have a family.

Having taken this discussion a little further, I remembered one of my girlfriends who has been on my toes, asking me to help her get a life partner. Not sure how to go about this, but determined to help since we have been friends for too long,  I guess I can only do this up to a given point and leave the rest to her.

We had a chit-chat and asked her to clearly tell me the kind of man she wants and she should also be ready to explain who she is. What is she bringing on board?

So, this is what she came up with and I said, ok, I will use my networks to ask whoever feels up to the task, to get in touch with me and I will pass the message to her. Read on, are you the ideal candidate? If you are, get back to me with your request. And if you are not, still take some time to get in touch with me and tell me what you think about this request. I am informed that many people think it is a turn off when a woman comes out aggressively explaining what she wants, as far as the quest for soul mates and marriage partners is concerned.CIMG0443

What are friends for? I had to do this for one of my girlfriends.

I am honored by the trust she has in me. Life seems to get complicated every other day and busy we become and sometimes, getting time to meet new people outside our work, becomes more and more cumbersome. If you think you suit to be this kind of person, fungua roho yako na uongee. (Open your heart and speak out.)

 This is what she desires of you.

“Someone who is as cute,  friend maker, knows, if he is followed, it is because of his character. Is purpose-driven, Is accountable for his life, Knows that a bad husband cannot be a good father, Is self-disciplined, Is a time-manager, Allows nothing to distract him from his goals, Organizes on his “knees”, Will organize so he doesn’t agonize, Works smart: not just hard, Prioritizes constantly, Perpetually self-evaluates, Is dependent on the Holy Spirit, Works from God’s agenda, not his own and should be ready to settle down!

And this is about her. I know almost everything about her, so should you have any queries, please get in touch with me.

I am a 29 years old girl turning 30 this September who wants to love and be loved! I am a human resource specialist by profession. I am laid back, a little bit shy but very friendly. I come from a family of 3 kids and I love them to death. My family will always be close to me! I value family, friendship and respect. I work very hard in life since I want a better life for me and my future family! I am a little bit conservative (agree strongly to Christian views like marriage-one man and woman, I believe in God). I would like to settle and start a family with my future best friend, husband and partner for life.

Kenyan Giraffe at the Maasai Mara
Kenyan Giraffe at the Maasai Mara

I would like to have at least one child and if we both agree we can open our home to another child through adoption (this is negotiable). Other traits I believe I have: I am imaginative, recognize my potential and have the ambition to realize it.

I am smart, intelligent, and curious to understand things, like to share, and I am naturally good person.

I am keen to experience new things, open-minded, I am able to be empathetic and sensitive, I intuitively recognize beauty and virtues, and have my own value system that aligns with who I am, I don’t cling to anything; I rely on my own power, I believe there are no hopeless situations, I am determined to succeed one way or another. I am the opposite of arrogant, I don’t take myself too seriously, and I have a sense of humor. I believe people do the best they know, I am also good at letting go.

Kenyan Lion relaxing
Kenyan Lion relaxing

I am internally inspired and driven to action, interested in expressing myself (Patience Nyange knows this too well.) Yes, I know that. She is indeed attractive and charismatic.

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you will become happy; if you get a bad one, you will become a philosopher.” Socrates

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Patience Nyange

I believe in a just society and I am a strong believer in Ralph Waldo Emerson words: “The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate and to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”

12 thoughts on “When that dream- Soul partner takes forever!

  • 14th June 2013 at 2:33 pm

    Patience, Patience, Patience you are a great writer, I like the way you put down words and one cant help but read to the end!
    Sasa, this friend who is desperate! maybe its you? (kidding) why is she looking sooo hard!?
    Here is my take, a relationship with a man is not an interview where you come on board with a CV and cover letter as scripted above, I think thats bull (sorry) am talking to you like i would a sister.
    The person she is looking for is right there next to her, only that she is too occupied looking for things in her man-description that she has no time to invest in men and know them. Am not saying she kisses frogs…… but communicate with people around you and slowly you could find that they were right there all along hidden in a shell of rejection caused by her!
    Socialize, meet new people, keep an updated network of friends and surely you will see one who keeps texting and calling the most, one who remembered to wish you a happy birthday, one who called to just check on you, one who thought you are amazing, one who did not judge you, one who bought you a chocolate (fudge!)… this little things are a great link to who cupid may be pointing to you.
    Please dont go for looks, they fade, real fast! Dont go for anything physical, we are God’s perfect gifts and everyone is cute in God’s eyes, that includes you. Go for someone who sees your worth, the beauty within and without.
    Above all, relax. 30 is the new 20! now you are a woman and not a girl, you know your worth and are ready to take the world. So stop being a victim of society’s perception ati by 30 you are out of the markert, thats bull… 30 is that beautiful age when a woman realizes she is no longer a girl but a woman. On that not quit hanging out in places you did in your 20’s, quit dressing like a 20’s, drop dome friends from your 20’s and refresh your list of friends (you dont need all of them)
    Lastly, God’s timing is the best. So stop making things happen and let God show you the way. If you relax and enjoy each stride, you will enjoy the journey instead of rushing to give us the above CV and cover letter.
    Patience, patience, patience please pass on the virtue.
    Hope this helps.

    • 14th June 2013 at 2:49 pm

      Pauline Masese,
      Thank you for your compliments.
      I am in love with your reply. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat, thank you for this. I don’t think I can make any additions to this. And just so that you know, this girl is not Patience at all. I have a man in my life, very soon I will be settling down.
      As for this girlfriend of mine, my thinking is, we need to set some standards and get it right when planning to settle down. It pays to lower the standards or even not to have them at all, but, not when making such lifetime decisions. Having been single for 30 years, you do not want to become miserable for the rest of your life, so I still believe it is important to get it right. She has said what she is bringing on board, and therefore, I think she deserves an equal or even better a man, don’t you think?

  • 14th June 2013 at 4:21 pm

    Patience,this is a good read ;i tend to think your friend has not been preparing for marriage ;no ready to settle for that matter and the fact that she says she is not a serious person is a proof that no one will ever take her serious and remember the way you package yourself determine whom you attract..if you are fresh you attract eagles (high flyers) and if you are otherwise you attract vultures.But let me advise her that there is hope if she will base her search within the kingdom of God her work will be easier because marriage was designed by God himself and she cannot help God no matter her effort (seeking first the kingdom of God and all other thing that men run after shall be added) ,then let her write her vision(Habakuk2:2) bearing in mind that the vision is for an appointed time but God is faithful to give her the desires of her heart ;even though she is 30 years God speaking in isaiah 34:16 And the spirit of God shall gather them..none of them shall lack their mate.So this means should be at the right place at the right time or else she will miss God’s visitation

  • 14th June 2013 at 11:20 pm

    Moses Mwamburi,
    I hear you. I agree that some of these things only God can accomplish our dreams, however, we need to know what we want so that we can pray for the right things. We need to have a vision, a complete one that we can clearly visualize. I believe in the spirit of being at the right place at the right time. I am optimistic that her pray will be answered.

  • 15th June 2013 at 3:56 pm

    that s excellent work for your best friend forever, but why would she only want a single child out of unlimited years of marriage? is that a binding constraint? confirm urgently please!

    • 17th June 2013 at 8:52 am

      Newtone, thank you for reading my blog. As you read about her desires, you can see she says the question about having children is negotiable. So I think she is not making it as a binding constraint but this is what she desires.

  • 17th June 2013 at 10:15 am

    Hi. I read the post you sent on your blog. Always a pleasure to know what is going on in your world.I can only speak from my own experience. Yngve and I were introduced by my pastor It changed my life and for that i am thankful. Any way, back to your friend. She seems to be describing someone to much like her. This can be ok, however, I think she needs to be open to opposite. Some vallues can not be negotiable. He must be a Christian filled with the Wholly Spirret. if God put them together things will amaisingly fall into place. Start praying for your friend. She needs to also pray, actively write ona list what she wants and pray for those spesiffic things. And when she meets him he will be as interested in her as she is in him. Take it for what it is worth! Yngve’s wife, Hannah
    Sent from my iPad

  • 17th June 2013 at 11:27 am

    Hey Hannah,
    Always a pleasure to read from you. Thank you for your sincere feedback. I know that sometime, the only thing that is needed on our side is to ask for help and we will get it. I believe in my friend and this is why I am willing to help her out. This far I have had a positive response and yes, I am looking forward to see her dream come to pass.
    God answers our prayers, only at times we are so inpatient and we imagine that it is going take forever before that dream comes to pass.
    I promise to keep you updated on how this one goes.
    Thank you for reading my blog and leaving your comment.
    Stay well and God bless.

  • 27th June 2013 at 8:42 am

    I have just landed on your blog via wadawida in facebook and have enjoyed reading through.
    Your friends profile is good, just thought I would add my two cents worth of advice in regard to your friends requirement of a husband and her CV. I celebrated my 12th year of marriage less than a week ago. Its been an amazing journey of highs and lows. I got married at 29 and had an almost similar list as your friend. What I was not aware of was how much I was required by God to give to this marriage inorder to get what I desire for. I can tell you, the place of prayer has been my refuge and I have seen God make my husband the man I desired to have, but in the process, I have been moulded, rebuked, challenged not forgeting the spiritual discplines I have learned over the years. I am not the same woman I was at 29.
    So a little bit of advice for your friend. What is she bringing to this marriage. Is she aware that she must give 100% to get 100%. God expects her to play her role as a wife then mother to the fullest and trust God for her husband to play his at a 100% too. She needs to note down the roles of a wife e.g helper of her husband, nurturer, home maker etc and determine whether she is ready to allow God to enable her commit to these roles. Its not about what she will get from this marriage, its about what she is ready to give to the marriage. The self or self centerdness is what is breaking marriages…. If its going to be about what she wants i.e. he should be this and that, she’s setting herself up for a miserable marriage. Her desires for a good man will be found at the place of prayer. Only God can enable her get a husband who honors the Lord and he’s every character is ordered by God.
    Let her prepare herself to be the wife God expects her. A close personal relationship with God has to be priority in her life, submission to His will, then she will hear God and the He will honor the desires of her heart and give her a good husband.

    • 27th June 2013 at 9:37 am

      Thank you Wakio for reading my blog and for your timely advice.
      I will direct my girlfriend to read your comment here and see if there is a piece of advice she can pick from you.
      I wish you all the very best in your marriage.

  • 27th June 2013 at 11:33 pm

    Hello Patience, I came across your blog while looking for some quite unrelated information then happened to read this article. Its amazing that there are as many single men as there are ladies all looking for someone to share their lives with but for some reason, the two groups are unable to meet. The world is changing and traditional ways of socializing have also changed. I happen to be among the single men who are looking for a girl to share their life with and maybe that’s why I have contemplated on that particular topic for some time. I am a Kenyan man, mid-thirties, single, no kids and if your friend is open to meeting someone new, I would appreciate if u let her know about me. I could give you my contact details through email. Have a great day!

    • 28th June 2013 at 8:04 am

      Thank you Godfrey for reading my blog. Thank you for being so open minded about this and yes, you are welcome to sell your CV to this girlfriend of mine. I wish you all the very best and I am sure you are in the right direction. Yes, please send me your contacts, I will pass the same to her. Do have a great day.


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